Last year around this time, my life slowly started to dwindle and gradually get out of my grasp. Aspects varying from my health, sanity, school,friendships, love life, and even at home life. I was so fixated in having the perfect life, doing all the right things because I thought I had to. I put my energy into this lifestyle I thought rewarded me back. Giving my gratitude and space to those who I thought had my best interest. I was emotionally drained, I distrubted my all into this ideal life that didn’t seem to complete me in return. What was that missing link?
The only time I had to myself was when I was worked out after classes. I would transfer the build up into efforts towards the machines. Another time of freedom I had would be smoking, by relaxing and letting my mind release. I would use this time to be at ease, free my spirit and let my words flow on paper. I couldn’t go a day without doing either of these activities. I would play my music and finally get a chance to clear my mind and focus on what has been happening. The two things I would put effort in to for myself, rewarded me. I was losing weight, clearing my mind and looking better. I found a freedom in writing again not only for my enjoyment but for my sanity. No one could take this set time from me, people in my life tried to make me feel guilty for not devoting this time to them and it worked.
I would never let anyone see struggle, see me weak or in pain. A front always put up to display a happy person within her perfect life. How can anyone know they are hurting you if you don’t let them know, how can anyone help if you don’t let them in?
The two most influential moments in my life have been led by and dealt with my father and God. The first was losing my self in a perfect world I constructed in my mind and by my force. I became vulnerable, and turned to my father for advice and strength. He guided me back to God, to find hope and appreciation for my life through faith.
The second moment was a weekend in November, my family and I went to the Notre Dame Basilica, the priest message channeled me. I focused in on only him and the lit candles around his face. Shivers ran down, centered my spine, straightened my structure and concentrated my eyes. Every distraction blurred, the priest spoke with an angelic head light and God words of wisdoms registered.
His passage was of a story of him doing volunteer work with children in another country, how all of these children struggle but still have dreams and faith. No matter the circumstance they still have aspirations, despite the reality. He was determined his place was to help others and inspire. His message was implanted in my membrane, the candles warmed up brain to my destiny.
I am motivated to close the gap between others reality and aspirations. I hope to inspire people by my writing, my mishaps or even my strengths. I hope to encourage those who are going down similar paths, I hope to better someones day or even life by my embrace and presence.
Every crossroad leads us to the next chosen path, a time to pause and analyze where you stand and where you should be going. A time where you reevaluate what aspects have brought you that point . Reminisce on the decisions or errors which caused the path. You start to approach situations, experiences and people as a lesson or opportunity. Now every obstacle is a checking point or even a collection point, only gains, no loses. You realize your strengths and weaknesses, outline your morals and values. You get an understanding of your self spiritually, emotionally and physically on your chosen journey. You’re aware of your soul, reasons and difference. You proceed with inner direction and pursue those who radiate with your energy. Anew, a replenished spirit, wholesome and at ease with life’s flow.
God takes us through troubled waters not to drown us but to cleanse us.
I have found my goal in life is inspire the curious, reach out to those in question, pin point passions, direct those who are lost, stimulate minds by my speaking, move feelings through my writing, understand and empathize with others. Encourage wellness opportunities-healthiness, wholeness, finesse, richness or liveliness of ones self worth.
Today is my father’s birthday, The BIG 5-0! A trademark in time and a new journey. I dedicate this blog to him and for all that he has done for me. I hope he is as half as touched by this as I am for all that he has done for me. He has forever changed my outlook and my outcome.
Remember the weight on your shoulders, can always be lifted. No matter how strong you are, you shouldn’t try to handle things on your own-when other people love you and are waiting to help. As soon as the weight is lifted, your limitless, you have your wings and can now fly.