The Sacred Circle

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What is the

space between

 living and regret,

how do feel

what is this

in our chest,

where do we go

tell me what

is next,

what is the

competitions trek

 formulated guess,

an answer to

save our breath,

long letters, heart

felt quests, the

belief in love

and death, do we

thrive or only

survive, where

do we lie, how

do we determine

when to fly,

when to reply,

or even

when to cry,

death is never

finished, we circle

and replenish, our

 seeds laid, pollens

replicate, do we

die or reincarnate

is life moving,

is expiring known,

what do we hide,

what do we show,

what directs

the soul to

settle and grow,

when do our

messages transfer,

roots configure to

a universal flow,

are we the Gods

on planet Eden,

are angels among,

the eagles and crows,

what do we sing

how do we know

    tell me slow.

A passage to my journey

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This is my passage to progress and potential. My declaration to my dreams and true self. My ode to express my spirit and soul. My devotion to develop my mind and body.


One thing I’ve taken for granted is education and learning. I took time off of school and focused on working. As much as I love the freedom of no homework or tests, I longed for being taught and researching information. I started reading more, watching documentaries, writing creatively, creating projects and developing goals for myself. I gravitated towards the Law of Attraction in The Secret documentary and used the concepts to outline my philosophy and karma.

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I envisioned my future and formulated who I wanted to be. I was eager to illuminate my mind, enlighten my soul and emerge my body to reach it’s fullest potential.

I am on the path to chase my highest vision and deepest dreams. Taking classes, courses, projects, trainings etc which better myself. I am accepting the guidance and grasping the edification advantage. I want to direct my consciousness to my desired study and fuel my brain with every culture. Relating every action, experience, person, work as a learning opportunity, a chance to connect to another embrace or element.

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I choose not to chase after people, beliefs or activities which distract me or demote me. I will no longer focus on one aspect being more significant over another. Accepting every manifestation because the ideal aspects already exist around you and attract to you. Existences meant to be in your environment, will be. Whether for love, support, growth or fulfillment ….The right relations will either join your equation or link you to the next correspondence.

gu I am trying to become the fullest expression of myself. The ultimate outcome. I need to construct the optimal version of myself before I  can completely give myself or my fortune to another. I am not interested in sex or lust. I am interested in love and compassion. The joining of energies to form reactions and results. Accessing the association of equal kindness and mutual understanding between an embrace or element. Producing an environment of balance and establishment, within your universe and the external realm. I need to construct my own world and horizon before I can share it.

pianoI thirst for absorbing art, breathtaking nature, encountering philosophies, inspiring words, uplifting music and soul-escaping moments. I aspire to become the most innovative and reactive self, expressing my inner and outer abstractions.

Developing a magnet effect by establishing goals to achieve and destinations to discover. Devoting space and thought for self-evolution. I think down time should include reflecting, refueling, restoring and renewing the mind, body and soul. Finding the passageway to a clear consciousness and active awareness.

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Traveling and feeding the spirit with wisdom and experience. Every human encounter teaches us a lesson and contributes a piece to our puzzle. An emotion shared which brings you closer to your soul. Such instances enrich you to act out your message, passion and purpose. 

NAMASTE

Lessons of Expression.

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The graceful gift of art and literature,

beautiful emergences on fresh surfaces,

essences crafted, presence from the inner chi,

constructed display of thought and release,

free of judgement, creative ease,

No rights or wrongs, emotions of songs,

styles to fly, reasons to salt the stye,

feelings stroke meaning, wanders to whys,

a spirited cry, euphoric self high,

the message to give, a proposal to live,

a quest to reel, expression of one’s real,

propaganda’s to flow, a swept away soul,

the once clouded, now risen and guided,

words flayed, fingers prayed, joys laid,

here’s my treasure, my core’s endeavor,

a light shown, my awareness cued,

an honest renew and seen so few,

cherish this hue, my canvas traced true,

a glimpse of love, to share with you.

peace & blessings,

NAMASTE.

Luminous Absorption

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my drunken body

led me to your escape

the surrounded slate

my aching clean plate

so you take me in late

lay me in your space

sink me in your arms

never floated so far

adventures to explore

where have i met you

maybe a time before

our mystery hues

show me the horizon

your stye illuminates

my mind now light

I’ve forgotten time

your boxed presence

pinch my existence

intertwined breaths

our rooftop floors

connections soar

who is in this world

you’re my only vision

my spirit glows

your energies grow

you’ve been who

I’ve been looking for

through my third eye

your expanding aeons

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our starry science

your dusk reliance

I only feel rain

no down pours

take me there

our gypsy affair

fly me through

our misted fears

broken tree stares

shared knowings

inners flowing

paranoid highs

when will our

waves collide

sensations splash,

I shield my lust,

your intimate touch,

slowing my rush,

the savasana savior,

your reactive impact,

always guides me back.

Universal Appreciation.

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With the warm temperatures embracing our skin and the sun kissing our faces, I find it necessary to take time out of my busy schedule and absorb the energy of the Summer. I love warm weather, I love the smiling personalities in the neighborhood, I love the active creatures outside, I love the freckled filled faces and I love the enjoyment of being outside in nature with the ones you love.

IMG_1021I have reactivated my inner child and found so much happiness in the outdoors. I have recently bought a hoola hoop, wind chimes, Ficus plant, seeds, outdoor lights and sun screen to take my adventures to the next level.

There’s something so sensual about drinking your first cup of coffee on the deck and not thinking anything of your time or day. Closing your eyes to breathe in the trees, feeling the breeze in the silence and relaxing to comforting aromas in your cup. My week and mornings have drastically transformed by taking time out of my day to simply partake or relax in the scene of nature.

I’ve been discovering new trees, flowers, plants or escapes on an outdoor journey. I find nature so beautiful and breath-taking, how something so simplistic yet complex surrounds us in every aspect of life. An organism thriving on outside existence and care to grow to a magnificent being. Nature doesn’t run on time, money, pressures or limits, and they flourish on their own measures.

Nature is so beneficial to our inner and outer world, trees providing our oxygen, plants providing nourishment, flowers providing flavor or flare, so many aspects I take for granted that provide our daily essentials.

I want to be; taking natural supplements, making healthy-natural food, sticking to healthy products with Nature’s elements, devoting time to appreciate and nurture Nature and continuing to grow and replenish Earth’s Nature.

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 I believe we are here to protect, provide and produce for Mother Earth.

I believe it is programmed in the females to feed, nourish and love all of Earth’s children and plants.

I believe we poses all our powers and strength to keep us alive.

I believe Earth possesses all of the natural cures and surviving minerals to cure all.

I believe “Dis-Ease” is created emotionally, mentally, internally and then physically.

I believe everything surrounding you; items, places, nature, weather,  people, signs, superstitions, conversations, actions, dreams and impulses are shaping our fate and directing us to the next journey.

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I believe we can cure ourselves and save ourselves from sickness and sadness.

I believe in natural roles of Earth; leader, teacher, healer, entertainer, protector and farmer.

I believe we are here to support, build and strengthen our neighbors, family, friends, lovers and enemies.

I believe our destiny is written within, around and outside our mind, body and soul.

I believe who we are is vibrating from us, we carry and construct our own universe.

I believe we see with our soul, the soul being the delicate design in your eye, our beautiful circled planets.

NAMASTE

Peace through broken pieces

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“On the way to get away from where you are, you can run so fast that you miss the blessings along the way. By the time you realize that you have missed them, a major portion of your life has taken place without you.”-Iyanla Vanzant

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I have recently been struggling with inner issues dealing with past faults and pain. It’s a burden that overwhelms your spirit when it comes across love and happiness. Being broken is almost a liberating feeling, you have no place to go but up. You are in no rush to get the cracks filled, you let life fill them for you. With being broken comes the past paranoia which brought the hurt, when you come to similar issues, you cant help but convince yourself that the circumstances will be the same.

I met two people when I was broken, both of which became my best friends. I knew there was something special about them and wanted to take more interest in them. We both instantly clicked, one became my female best friend and the other was a male I started to see.  They would give me their attention, share their life, enjoy time with me and were willing to show me how beautiful I was. I couldn’t bring myself to the realization that someone thought so highly of me, someone thought so highly of our relationship. They wanted to be apart of my everyday, my joy, my laughter and my time. I created scenarios in my mind to slowly push them out and to sink in my loneliness. I would rather be alone than risk the potential of becoming hurt and losing these people.

I had a connection to them, I could feel their pain, I could feel their happiness, I could feel their struggles, I could feel their heart and I could feel their soul. Something would come over me when we would engaged in a deep conversations. My spirit shifted to the top layer of my skin, and released my inner knowing and answers to their life. I learned so much about myself through them, I saw myself in them and we were weak and strong together. I couldn’t accept the fact that we were a reflection of one another, that they were just like me, broken, irritated and irrational. I wasn’t there yet to give them love or become the love they needed. I felt as if they were overwhelming me, suffocating me, I became numb and was no longer fully presence.

They were both a big role in my motivation to spiritual wellness and healing. My girl friend and I would go to meditations, practice restorative yoga, have spiritual talks, encouraging talks and would bring each other up. My boy friend would remind me how beautiful and amazing I was, encourage me to take care of my body, to be positive, to challenge my mind, body and soul and encouraged my fitness in yoga.  When complementary energy is taken from your soul, you feel hopeless and lose your sense of self. I am a firm believer in self-healing and discovery but I know it takes a community of soul mates to bring you up along the way.

” And it was during this time that spirit and I became all but strangers. On most days, I lost track of my spiritual practices and my faith. I prayed and I meditated, but I was no longer sure what I believed or how I felt about what I believed. The thing that saved me and my faith alive was when I sat to write, stood before an audience to speak, or coached another person, I could feel the living presence of Spirit in my being.” -Iyanla Vanzant

I tried to escape them, but I couldn’t. They were apart of my everyday life, apart of my outer happiness and internal healing. I grew very ill, uninvolved in outside life and wanted to be left alone. I wasn’t ready to open up to the monster I was, the pain i suffered to get to that point or the sickness in my heart. It was crowding my mind and I needed out. I needed to come clean of the past, come clean of who I was and come clean of the wounds.

I started to pray to God, ask for healing and forgiveness. I needed to make things right with them and find the sanity to set me free. I took some on Saturday to finish up an old book regarding healing. Quotes would jump out at me, phrases would bring shivers and I felt this weight release from me. I went inside to validate and reassure my healing. I did a yoga routine and slowly eased into savasana. I begin to meditate, I heard the answers, I felt the intentions for these two souls and I knew my purpose in my life. My eyes began to shed cold, comforting tears to signify the release of the past and sickness in my heart. I came back outside and wrote my girlfriend a heart-felt letter and reached out to her. It was a lot harder to open up and ask for forgiveness from her rather than my past boyfriend, I finally opened up to him on the monster I was and the monsters I endured. It brought us closer and connected us deeper.

There is a part of us in everyone, there is a sickness or strain in everyone’s heart, no one wants to be evil or without love. Everyone is broken, everyone endures different type of pain, it is up to us to help break past those walls and find their shinning soul. You grow as person when you help someone you love grow, you heal as a person when you are apart of someones healing. Never give up on someone who would never give up on you, it is so much easier to quit and run away. Struggles provide strength, tears shed us of the elements which hold us back and love will always set you free.

NAMASTE.

Believe in Hope and Achieve Universal Peace.

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Recent celebrations of faith, rebirth and passover has created an endless feeling of being blessed in my heart. I am so thankful for every day, light and experience in my life-which makes me..me and develops my life.

*One of my favorite times of the year*

The transition of Spring to Summer 

The warming weather has me energetic. Spring’s essence is fluttering my writing bloom. The Sun’s shine is inspiring my inner light.

I have been writing a lot and will  be sharing a piece every week of what “I Believe” and what evokes my mind, body and soul.

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I believe we endure heartbreak and tragedy to grow and become stronger.

I believe I’ve vacationed darkness multiple times, but always traveled to light to guide me through.

I believe I pray, meditate and practice yoga to strengthen my soul.

I believe I have been praying for the right path and for forgiveness.

I believe I am created and inspired for a specific reason.

I believe I am the light, God chooses to move and speak through me in dire times.

I believe we are here to teach, inspire and learn from others as well as ourselves.

I believe I am given signs from a higher power and the universe to better myself and this planet.

I believe I write with meaning, honesty and pureness of the soul.

I believe I have a reason, message and story to tell.

Namaste!

Home

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“Homewasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”

Home wasn’t a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”

 

Home is where the heart is. Home is where the comfort in your heart resides. Home is the warmth which fills you with ease and provides a state of safety. The memories of intimate interactions, soft snuggles, long laughs and nestled-in-nights. We value these moments when we need them the most. When our heart aches for completion and our mind craves the sensual scenes.

Why is that we are only content with home life or the outside world when we are satisfied inside with loved ones? Why do we only glorify a season’s weather for the upcoming Holiday? We anticipate an upcoming event with the assistance of expected weather.

This winter has been pretty harsh and almost bi-polar. One of the most warm days will bring a sleet storm the next. Our bodies and spirits have been suffering the costs of the sporadic temperatures. Exhausted from the cold conditions, tense from the cabin fever and emotionally drained from weather let downs. We base our days and moods off the surrounding forecasts. Something so simple as a snow fall or rain wash turns our inner storms.

Why is that we graciously endure the weather conditions and traveling lengths for the wholesome tradition. It’s the sense of comfort, the feeling of belonging and the satisfaction of affection. Why do we continue to partake chilling outcomes and frosty days? Why does everyone in Iowa or from the colder regions proceed to settle in such weather?

    “Happiness doesn’t lie in conspicuous consumption and the relentless amassing of useless crap. Happiness lies in the person sitting beside you and your ability to talk to them. Happiness is clear-headed human interaction and empathy. Happiness is home. And home is not a house-home is a mythological conceit. It is a state of mind. A place of communion and unconditional love. It is where, when you cross its threshold, you finally feel at peace.”

To be home is to be at peace with our inner state, to feel natural, tranquil and pure. Establishing home begins with our heart, values, comfort, pillars of morals and true being of ourself. Most of the time it takes a traumatic experience, vacation, absent soul or voyage to a new path to realize what “Home” actually is for us. Nothing outside of our inner world or existence should affect us as long as we are grounded to the meaning of “Home.”

  We focus our frustrations on the outside, pry inner our problems on the negative environment. When do we stop letting the weather determine our inside stillness? When will we take time to live out the currents and appreciate our surrounding season?

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Every once in a while  Winter would embrace us with a 40-50 degree day,  allowing us a bittersweet glimpse of Spring. It is so uplifting to see people participating in natures given treat, making the most of their weather and moment of bearable weather.

  With the transition of Winter to Spring, we cherish the maturing warmth and provide energy to the outside existence.

 

I have lived in Iowa all my life, I have been apart of every season and have experienced varied weather lengths. I find myself getting frustrated during the colder times, bundled up inside and suffering from cabin fever. I have recently taken this winter to do a lot of inner reflecting, inside myself and my home. Being upset with the outside activities will change nothing and being inactive with the temperature doesn’t benefit me… just makes the winter woes win over me.

I no longer see the weather as an enemy, now just a new setting of my life.You become more appreciative towards your given day, more inviting to the rare bursts of warm embraces and more involved in natures dynamism.  You learn to accept the current environment and adapt to Mother Earth’s fallen essence.  Every downfall, obstacle or trouble causes a new opportunity for growth and beginning of change.

I am blessed to say I live in a state with four seasons, every changed leaf is a way to renew yourself in nature’s turnover. A fresh wind to flow outside your home and absorb in the magic of  the season.  I have been observing nature a lot more, the layers of sunsets colors, the activity between the breeze of the trees and the interaction with animals and insects.

We are all apart of the beautiful manifestation of life, the developers of natures environment and the observers of progressing seasons. As visitors and travelers of Earth, it is our role to take care of the plants and grounds that fill our horizons. It is our role to appreciate and show respect to the other living organisms and forms of creation. In order to vibrate with our external world, we must value our internal world and capture our rightful place. Once we are unified with this connection, our attachment to love and home carries with us where ever we may be.

   Home is the serenity which we hold  close to our heart. The sweet reminisces of childhood, the contentment of belonging and the ease of being loved. No matter where I travel, embark a new life or lay for night’s rest, I shut my eyes to the wholesomeness of where my heart resides and those who fill my scenes of completion.

 

 

NAMASTE

APPRECIATE YOUR NATURE AND NURTURE OF HOME

 

Alive.

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What is it to feel alive? To have such a rush of endorphins to your body or mind that leaves you invigorated? Such an experience which leaves you speechless,  where you can only close your eyes to relive it as your face lights up to the feeling.

Is it the risk of jumping out of a plane and embracing the high fall with the body freedom, Is it the tingles you get from affection of an admired one, is it the passion you put into an interest which rewards you or is it the fear of almost reaching the bright light?

How do we get our highs, inspirations or enlightenments? What makes your sensations? What does it take for you to channel in on your true happiness or drive?

Why are we only challenged for the better when we come across a traumatic event or wrong doing? What actions must we face to redirect our ways on the path of internal and external bliss?

What is it about an outside perspective that sets us straight? What causes us to wake up, shake ourself from our old ways and reshape our vision? The awakening of the mind, body and spirit which evokes us to desire a greater life or self.

I’ve had a lot of instances in my life which reorients me, causes me to step back and analyze not only the situation but my journey. Images and messages of my guardian angel, loss of consciousness led seizure, focuses from the Lord and my out of body experience.  Most people think of these experiences as taboo or unrealistic; I can ensure you they are all REAL and my truth. I brushed off these parts of my life, I was so shocked and knew no one would understand. These experiences are significant not only in the physical sense but emotionally and spiritually.

GUARDIAN ANGEL 

guard′ian an′gel n. 1. an angel believed to protect a particular person, as from danger or error. 2. a person who looks after or is concerned with the welfare of another.

guard′ian an′gel
n.
1. an angel believed to protect a particular person, as from danger or error.
2. a person who looks after or is concerned with the welfare of another.

 My eighth grade year there were a ton of scares of kidnapping, I would lay awake in my room at night so afraid of being taken and killed. For a while it was the only thing I would think about, the intense fear of being stolen from my life and torturted to my death. One night it got to me so bad that I locked my bedroom door and hid from the world. Normally when I lock my door my parents are able to unlock it from the outside and are able to reach me. I was finally able to fall asleep, I was so tired from my restless mind that I had a deep sleep that night. I remember dreaming and this female centered in my mind and dream, I couldn’t make out her face, it was only her and a beam of bright light. She kept telling me “Kelby wake up”…..”Kelby you need to wake up.” I thought this was so odd, she was so calm and repatitive with her request of me waking up. I eventually gave in and woke to the sheer scream of my mother trying to reach me and  unlock my door. My mother was screaming “KELBY YOU NEED TO GET OUT THERE’S A FIRE!!!” “KELBY UNLOCK YOUR DOOR…KELBY!”

I instantly shot up, shivers and confusion ran through my body. I’m normally not a deep sleeper and have never had a dream like that before. What if I didn’t dream of this, What if I didn’t lock my door, would I have the same dream? Who was this lady? How did she know how to reach me or Why did she reach me? I was silent for the next couple of days thinking of my dream, the accident of the fire and how lucky we were to be safe.

 A year later in the winter time, my mother was driving my two younger siblings and I to school. The roads were a little slick and the snow had built up over the past couple of weeks. We were getting ready to pass the church before the set of lights when another van pulls out infront of us, one of the snow banks had limited her sight so she proceeded the four lane traffic. I remember reaching my hands out and screaming “MOM!” Next thing I know, I’m looking over a crowd of people looking into my passenger window and windshield. One of my sisters friend was starring at me like I was dead, looking at me with tears in his and so concerned.  Who were these people crowding our van? My next image I saw was the same angel, she was infront of the smoke and bright light, once again telling me to wake up. I slowly opened my lids to sight of pole we crashed into, the white smoke filling the van and the relieved crowd. I was so blank, I knew of nothing from when I screamed “MOM” until the moment I woke. I instantly blacked out, during the first T-Bone hit, the spin from the impact, the second T-Bone hit and then the crash into the pole. My mother was trying to talk to me through her cries, she was happy to see me awake but kept apologizing for the crash. I couldn’t talk to her, I was speechless, I had no idea what to think of the current moment. I was drained from the cries, the scared looks and the commotion of the car wreck. I thought nothing of my day, I had no emotion or focus.

The next six months included my mother in the hospital, family and church members in and out of the house, people asking me questions and crying to me. I hated it, I hated the attention, I hated the sadness of the crash and the empahsis of my living through the crash. I reached such a dark stage of resentment, I refused to talk to anyone about my feelings on the accidents and I ignored my mother. Everytime we spoke she would sob to me about how sorry she was, how happy she was I was alive and safe. I hated seeing her like that, I dont deserve that praise, attention or emotions. Why was I so numb after being so alive? Why did I resent everyone who was by my side or who was celebrating me being alive? Why did i block out those who cared and the crash in general? Why was I able to see the crowd from a birds eye view before waking up into my body? Why was I contacted and saved again?

MESSAGES FROM THE LORD

God does speak. One way to live in His presence is to acquire the habit of recognizing His voice when He speaks. If we do not know that God wishes to communicate with us, or the ways He has chosen, then our passage through life will be devoid of the most perfect of guides.

God does speak. One way to live in His presence is to acquire the habit of recognizing His voice when He speaks. If we do not know that God wishes to communicate with us, or the ways He has chosen, then our passage through life will be devoid of the most perfect of guides.

It was the Spring after the crash, I was in my final stage of confirmation course. My group and I had to voyage to a church retreat. I remember sitting cross legged talking about who were are, what we want to do or who we want to be. I couldnt even think of an answer, I just knew I wanted to make a difference and be remembered. I made it my goal after that meeting to be nice to everyone, to smile, to share my embrace and postive mood. I was a lot lighter on my feet, the sun shined brighter, time flew by and I no longer thought of the Saturday as a waste but as an opportunity. At the closing mass, I sat in the middle of the crowd, for some reason I thought the priest was making more eye contact with me. I felt this beam of yellow light touch my shoulders and reach the top of the church, while he was talking about priest hood, those who qualify and are chosen. I thought to myself am I being chosen? Why am I even thinking he’s targeting me? Why do I feel like I only see him and no one else? Why am I so focused, when my peers are distracted or not paying attention. Why do I feel obligated to test it our or lean down a similar path? I felt as if God saw my significance and curious mind. To this day I remember most of my day, which is odd because I cant recall a lot of memories from my traumatic year after the crash.
The other time I felt such an inspiration from mass service was this past November when my family and I went to Notre Dame for a couple games. We were sitting at the game and the Irish tradition is to catch mass after the game, it was a trend to attend the campuses beautiful basilica.  Before the game we visited the church and checked it out. For some reason I was very excited to attend mass, I was constantly watching the clock and thinking of the right time to leave the game. I was very headstrong on making it to mass on time, I insisted on leaving extra early from the game so we can get a good spot. We were one first there and as planned got a very nice spot in the front. Mass started, I kept an eager and straight structure the whole time. The priest started to speak on his volunteer work in foreign countries and how some little girl touched his heart. The scene around him started to blur, I focused in on only him and the surrounding candles. The light around him got brighter and I starred intently at him. I felt as if It was only him and I in the church. Every word registered, every situation was related and recovered as a responsibility.  His passage was of a story of him doing volunteer work with children in another country, how all of these children struggle but still have dreams and faith. No matter the circumstance they still have aspirations, despite the reality. He was determined his place was to help others and inspire. How important it is to help those in need, show them the light and importance of their existence. To give others faith, to share dreams, have dreams and be apart of another’s dream.  His message was implanted in my membrane, the candles warmed up brain to my destiny. 

 

LOSS OF CONSCIOUSNESS 

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“Out of body experiences can also be triggered under clinical conditions where brain function is compromised – such as stroke, epilepsy, head trauma and drug abuse. When this happens it is more often reported as a Near Death Experience (NDE).”

Last year my mental and physical health were not as a stable as I would have liked them to be. I wasn’t myself after some down falls and broken relationships. I lost my motivated as well as drive in most aspects of my life. I was back home for Spring Break, my friends and I decided to go to a party together. I decided to be the designated driver, I smoked prior to the arrival of the party. It was nice to be the responsible one, relax with some old friends and enjoy being sober at a party. I was catching up with some friends and this rush of uneasy took control. I suddenly felt uncomfortable, my body grew weak and light. My vision started blurring, lights brightened and sounds increased in volume. I found myself trapped, wanting to escape not only the party but myself. I distanced myself and started making my way to the back room to regroup and get some clarity. My legs gave out, I had no control as well as full feeling in my body anymore My legs tingled as i fell over on my way down the hallway. My arms couldnt hold up my body and my vision varied in and out. I out ready to sit down and blacked out. A heavy weight on my head took over, I woke up unaware of what had happend and why. I couldnt get myself up, I didnt know how to scream for help. I felt hopeless, trying to talk myself in a simple task of pushing myself back up.
After a couple failed errors of standing with continuing black outs, I made my way to the party. I caught a glimpse of my friends brother, he saw my struggle with standing and strength. He was sure I was the drunkest one at the party, my eyes rolled back once more as i fell down the frame of the door. He ran to my rescue and proceeded to assist me down the hall. Once I reached my friends, I kept saying that we needed to go, I didn’t feel comfortable or safe. I couldnt get much out until I gave them an uneasy look, became pale and blacked out once more. My body collapsed, my head bounced until the momentum slowed. My eyes rolled to the back on my head and I started to seizure in front of my intoxicated friends. I remember getting hovering glimpse of the crowd surronding me before I woke up, I couldn’t make out what they were saying.
There I was again, seeing myself before I woke up. I slowly came back into my body and opened my eyes. Everyone was a blur, I saw their mouths moving but everything was mute. Once I regained sound, I was confused with what they were saying. I could only look, sounds and actions didn’t register just yet. I felt like a new born, fresh to the world and unaware of my surroundings and senses. My friends almost thought they witnessed my death in their very own kitchen. I was disconnected from my life after the seizure, I was unable to concentrate in class, hold a conversation or be present physically and mentally when encountering others. I felt blank, drained and lifeless, I became very quiet and timid to my internal and external life

OUT OF BODY 

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“The idea of astral travel is rooted in common worldwide religious accounts of the afterlife in which the consciousness’ or soul’s journey or “ascent” is described in such terms as “an… out-of body experience, wherein the spiritual traveller leaves the physical body and travels in his/her subtle body (or dreambody or astral body) into ‘higher’ realms.”It is therefore associated with near death experiences and is also frequently reported as spontaneously experienced in association with sleep and dreams, illness, surgical operations, drug experiences, sleep paralysis and forms of meditation.”

After a mediation, my friend and I went back to my place to hang out and finish the night with some Resortative yoga. The Resortative practice, is a sequence of still poses focused on breathing, relaxing the mind and completing the body with wholeness.

I was laying there, body chilling and feeling cold sensations and almost numbing embrace over the top layer of my body. Bursts of a vibrating coldness migrated and filled spaces of my outer skin. I saw my self sitting inside an emerald grey cave, filling with the splashing of water falls, spilling with pain. Feeling a shower of spraying tranquility. My hour glass sat crossed leg. Visioning my self through the falling streams. I balance my self among the ripples, getting a sense of the space. The serenity of sprinkled drops to my face, sends the roaming sensations back to my knees and back of my calves. I feel the strong grip of my lower back to the earth. My curvature in my back side streams through. Sparking to the top of my mouth, only feeling the outline of my slowly moving mouth. The sensation glides to my eyes, creating a Tiffany blue sparks to fill the dark vision scene filling my screen of my eyes. The sensation flows to my neck, tickling my spine. Circulating my blood flow, invigorating my veins. The sensations spurts down my spine, I feel the strengths of the spine to the floor, I feel the support of my arched back. My feet light not the floor, still and holding balance. I saw myself as an outline or a frame embracing the stillness of the therapeutic sounds. Floating with my  body’s breath, waves of breath swimming through my body creating a melody of eased movements. My frame fills with the brights of the sky, whites of the fluffed yet fuzzy clouds.  Soft blues fill the gaps from the clouds, white neons shine in as a breath calms the rays my way. My body pure and light. My spirit floated above, feeling full as a hug. Aware of my surroundings and presence. I take in my breath and let the gush glide down my lungs.

I embrace the air on my skin, feeling peaceful, an image of a vacationed beach lay. I see the waves accompany the currents of my breathing. I imagine a shadowing palm tree, shading my presence, allowing gleams of light to warm my portrait. The smooth sound of waves desperately crashing on shore… I feel full of baby blue hushes, breezes sooth through gushes. My center active and alive. I feel fluid and free, smile from ease, wholesome from clarity. A cleansed citrus view, beams of happiness so true. A clarified renew. I gently open my eyes, I didn’t know if this was a high or a quick fall into a dive. Appreciative of the scene filled disguise. A new way to look at mediation and flow of life.

*This passage was written on my cell phone after the event, with my eyes close. I can only describe or re-live the experience with my eyes shut! Crazy huh?*

I have never experienced such a whirlwind of emotions, visions or sensations in my life. These experiences are so extraordinary because they aren’t really talked about or dealt with. When something so out of the normal happens, we either shrug it off or are in such shock from it. Every person, place, memory, heartache, love or experience is significant in your journey. Everything you see, process, dream or deal with develops you as a person.

I have experienced God’s presence and meaning in a time of question. I have reached death a couple times, been guided back to life from my guardian angel. Lost control of my body in a negative and positive, making me feel more alive. These events lead me to question my role and significance on this Earth. Such lost control of your body and consciousness has you question not only yourself, but your importance, role and intentions for this time and place.

Who am I because of these significant events?
What do these mean and teach me?
When will the next experience happen?
Where will these events lead me in the path of Enlightenment
Why have all have these things happened?
How will I learn and shape myself due to the phenomenas?