Peace through broken pieces

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“On the way to get away from where you are, you can run so fast that you miss the blessings along the way. By the time you realize that you have missed them, a major portion of your life has taken place without you.”-Iyanla Vanzant

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I have recently been struggling with inner issues dealing with past faults and pain. It’s a burden that overwhelms your spirit when it comes across love and happiness. Being broken is almost a liberating feeling, you have no place to go but up. You are in no rush to get the cracks filled, you let life fill them for you. With being broken comes the past paranoia which brought the hurt, when you come to similar issues, you cant help but convince yourself that the circumstances will be the same.

I met two people when I was broken, both of which became my best friends. I knew there was something special about them and wanted to take more interest in them. We both instantly clicked, one became my female best friend and the other was a male I started to see.  They would give me their attention, share their life, enjoy time with me and were willing to show me how beautiful I was. I couldn’t bring myself to the realization that someone thought so highly of me, someone thought so highly of our relationship. They wanted to be apart of my everyday, my joy, my laughter and my time. I created scenarios in my mind to slowly push them out and to sink in my loneliness. I would rather be alone than risk the potential of becoming hurt and losing these people.

I had a connection to them, I could feel their pain, I could feel their happiness, I could feel their struggles, I could feel their heart and I could feel their soul. Something would come over me when we would engaged in a deep conversations. My spirit shifted to the top layer of my skin, and released my inner knowing and answers to their life. I learned so much about myself through them, I saw myself in them and we were weak and strong together. I couldn’t accept the fact that we were a reflection of one another, that they were just like me, broken, irritated and irrational. I wasn’t there yet to give them love or become the love they needed. I felt as if they were overwhelming me, suffocating me, I became numb and was no longer fully presence.

They were both a big role in my motivation to spiritual wellness and healing. My girl friend and I would go to meditations, practice restorative yoga, have spiritual talks, encouraging talks and would bring each other up. My boy friend would remind me how beautiful and amazing I was, encourage me to take care of my body, to be positive, to challenge my mind, body and soul and encouraged my fitness in yoga.  When complementary energy is taken from your soul, you feel hopeless and lose your sense of self. I am a firm believer in self-healing and discovery but I know it takes a community of soul mates to bring you up along the way.

” And it was during this time that spirit and I became all but strangers. On most days, I lost track of my spiritual practices and my faith. I prayed and I meditated, but I was no longer sure what I believed or how I felt about what I believed. The thing that saved me and my faith alive was when I sat to write, stood before an audience to speak, or coached another person, I could feel the living presence of Spirit in my being.” -Iyanla Vanzant

I tried to escape them, but I couldn’t. They were apart of my everyday life, apart of my outer happiness and internal healing. I grew very ill, uninvolved in outside life and wanted to be left alone. I wasn’t ready to open up to the monster I was, the pain i suffered to get to that point or the sickness in my heart. It was crowding my mind and I needed out. I needed to come clean of the past, come clean of who I was and come clean of the wounds.

I started to pray to God, ask for healing and forgiveness. I needed to make things right with them and find the sanity to set me free. I took some on Saturday to finish up an old book regarding healing. Quotes would jump out at me, phrases would bring shivers and I felt this weight release from me. I went inside to validate and reassure my healing. I did a yoga routine and slowly eased into savasana. I begin to meditate, I heard the answers, I felt the intentions for these two souls and I knew my purpose in my life. My eyes began to shed cold, comforting tears to signify the release of the past and sickness in my heart. I came back outside and wrote my girlfriend a heart-felt letter and reached out to her. It was a lot harder to open up and ask for forgiveness from her rather than my past boyfriend, I finally opened up to him on the monster I was and the monsters I endured. It brought us closer and connected us deeper.

There is a part of us in everyone, there is a sickness or strain in everyone’s heart, no one wants to be evil or without love. Everyone is broken, everyone endures different type of pain, it is up to us to help break past those walls and find their shinning soul. You grow as person when you help someone you love grow, you heal as a person when you are apart of someones healing. Never give up on someone who would never give up on you, it is so much easier to quit and run away. Struggles provide strength, tears shed us of the elements which hold us back and love will always set you free.

NAMASTE.

Home

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“Homewasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”

Home wasn’t a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take with you for your entire life, wherever you may go.”

 

Home is where the heart is. Home is where the comfort in your heart resides. Home is the warmth which fills you with ease and provides a state of safety. The memories of intimate interactions, soft snuggles, long laughs and nestled-in-nights. We value these moments when we need them the most. When our heart aches for completion and our mind craves the sensual scenes.

Why is that we are only content with home life or the outside world when we are satisfied inside with loved ones? Why do we only glorify a season’s weather for the upcoming Holiday? We anticipate an upcoming event with the assistance of expected weather.

This winter has been pretty harsh and almost bi-polar. One of the most warm days will bring a sleet storm the next. Our bodies and spirits have been suffering the costs of the sporadic temperatures. Exhausted from the cold conditions, tense from the cabin fever and emotionally drained from weather let downs. We base our days and moods off the surrounding forecasts. Something so simple as a snow fall or rain wash turns our inner storms.

Why is that we graciously endure the weather conditions and traveling lengths for the wholesome tradition. It’s the sense of comfort, the feeling of belonging and the satisfaction of affection. Why do we continue to partake chilling outcomes and frosty days? Why does everyone in Iowa or from the colder regions proceed to settle in such weather?

    “Happiness doesn’t lie in conspicuous consumption and the relentless amassing of useless crap. Happiness lies in the person sitting beside you and your ability to talk to them. Happiness is clear-headed human interaction and empathy. Happiness is home. And home is not a house-home is a mythological conceit. It is a state of mind. A place of communion and unconditional love. It is where, when you cross its threshold, you finally feel at peace.”

To be home is to be at peace with our inner state, to feel natural, tranquil and pure. Establishing home begins with our heart, values, comfort, pillars of morals and true being of ourself. Most of the time it takes a traumatic experience, vacation, absent soul or voyage to a new path to realize what “Home” actually is for us. Nothing outside of our inner world or existence should affect us as long as we are grounded to the meaning of “Home.”

  We focus our frustrations on the outside, pry inner our problems on the negative environment. When do we stop letting the weather determine our inside stillness? When will we take time to live out the currents and appreciate our surrounding season?

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Every once in a while  Winter would embrace us with a 40-50 degree day,  allowing us a bittersweet glimpse of Spring. It is so uplifting to see people participating in natures given treat, making the most of their weather and moment of bearable weather.

  With the transition of Winter to Spring, we cherish the maturing warmth and provide energy to the outside existence.

 

I have lived in Iowa all my life, I have been apart of every season and have experienced varied weather lengths. I find myself getting frustrated during the colder times, bundled up inside and suffering from cabin fever. I have recently taken this winter to do a lot of inner reflecting, inside myself and my home. Being upset with the outside activities will change nothing and being inactive with the temperature doesn’t benefit me… just makes the winter woes win over me.

I no longer see the weather as an enemy, now just a new setting of my life.You become more appreciative towards your given day, more inviting to the rare bursts of warm embraces and more involved in natures dynamism.  You learn to accept the current environment and adapt to Mother Earth’s fallen essence.  Every downfall, obstacle or trouble causes a new opportunity for growth and beginning of change.

I am blessed to say I live in a state with four seasons, every changed leaf is a way to renew yourself in nature’s turnover. A fresh wind to flow outside your home and absorb in the magic of  the season.  I have been observing nature a lot more, the layers of sunsets colors, the activity between the breeze of the trees and the interaction with animals and insects.

We are all apart of the beautiful manifestation of life, the developers of natures environment and the observers of progressing seasons. As visitors and travelers of Earth, it is our role to take care of the plants and grounds that fill our horizons. It is our role to appreciate and show respect to the other living organisms and forms of creation. In order to vibrate with our external world, we must value our internal world and capture our rightful place. Once we are unified with this connection, our attachment to love and home carries with us where ever we may be.

   Home is the serenity which we hold  close to our heart. The sweet reminisces of childhood, the contentment of belonging and the ease of being loved. No matter where I travel, embark a new life or lay for night’s rest, I shut my eyes to the wholesomeness of where my heart resides and those who fill my scenes of completion.

 

 

NAMASTE

APPRECIATE YOUR NATURE AND NURTURE OF HOME

 

To be Love

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Valentine’s Day is a Holiday which celebrates relationships in your life, selects those who have your heart and appreciates the ones you love. The day is filled with romance and gifts with a significant other(s).

What is it to Love? What does it take to Love or be in Love? Why is every heartache, melody, happiness, mystery or madness stem from Love? Why are we in such a search and struggle to find Love? 

To Love someone is to love yourself, To Love a trait in another is to love the traits you have within, To Love in full and so purely, we love ourselves and others… flaws and all. 

When we are born, we are born from the act of love. We are welcomed with eager eyes and warm hearts waiting to shower us in Love. Family members show love by protecting, nurturing, caring and providing for this new life. We are taught love from our surroundings, sharing, touching, communicating and contributing. How we love and how give love is grasped at a young age. We spend our whole lives circulating around the idea of Love, figuring it out and inquiring varied types. 

Love is rooted from inner peace, inner joy and inner satisfaction. 

Why not give back to the person you have to live with everyday, required to spend time with, the one who moves and motivates you…. YOURSELF. 

Loving one self is to appreciate, listen and provide for the mind, body and spirit. Taking time to nourish the body with vitamins, moisture, water and essentials to feel replenished. Taking time to engage the mind, with yoga, meditation or a book to restore oneself. Taking time to surrender the spirit with a walk, bath, nap or detox to refresh your energy. 

This past week for me has been so hectic, I haven’t found enough time for myself or taken time to relax. I have been in constant movement, preparing for Spring break and the future. I lost track of the time I was in, not realizing who I was living for or who I was accomplishing these tasks for. I was pilling events in the free space of my day to make up for lost time. Going to more yoga classes, tanning back to back, eating a lot for missed meals and staying up later to catch up. Every experience was accompanying my obligations and misplaced moments. 

My body caught up to me and responded by being burnt on the outside and drained on the inside. I took the first part of the week to take a bath, hydrate my body and calm my mind.  I downloaded a meditation music app and actually took a peaceful nap. Meditation and Yoga became more sacred and serene.I channeled in on my center and focused on my body messages. I put my phone away, turned on some music and became wholesome again. Melodies flowed through me, choruses whispered through my ears and slowly fulfilled my inner silence. 

 

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Our time lessens when we in a rush to the future, our quality weakens to the detachment of the current moment. What is it to live for yourself and give back to yourself? 

I learned a beautiful lesson this week of, learning to love and appreciate yourself. I listened to my body when It told me to slow down and rest. I gave back to this amazing mold by taking care of myself, calmed my machine by resting and revisiting silence.  I re-energized my mind, body and spirit by participating in the present and savoring the time with myself. 

 

Today’s Valentines blog is dedicated to the Love within yourself and relationship you hold with your mind, body and spirit. 

Namaste