Why do we become so obsessed with filling our lives with the things we “think” will make us happy . Why do we focus on what we don’t have and why we don’t have it. We try to control and regulate everything coming into and out of our lives. We become in competition with our ideals of perfection.. What happens when we get there?
I’ve been a product of trying to perfect my own happiness. I have always had this perfect image of my life, and how I’m going to get there. I have been in control of everything, I get almost everything I want… I always speak up, ask for what I want and take the initiative when need be. I over analyze everything, try to figure it out and place it into my life accordingly. I take on so many projects or tasks. I set myself up for such high expectations, because I know I can. I’ve taken advantage of every situation in my life.. I become everything my perfection sent me out to be..
Why control your own happiness? Why try to fix what doesn’t need changed. I’ve set myself for failure with forcing the good when it didn’t need to.
I obsess over every little detail, every word and action. I try to analyze everyone else and their intentions.. I recognize their weaknesses and strengths and play off of them. They or the object become my mission, I study them and try to become the best for them. I take on new challenges and try to master them to my own abilities. I become bored easily, who cares about winning all the time.
I need to not get my way. I need others to stand up to me. I need to be told no and enough. I need to be challenged and put in my place.
I became this super Barbie, who breaks hearts, demands her opinion and leaves her mark. I have grown up always curious about who I will become. I knew I was going to be important, well known or special. I was so afraid of not living to my potential and getting forgotten about. I was so afriad of other people judging me or my life and not wanting to be apart of it. I never wanted anyone to see me struggle or even not smile. I have to look 100% all the time, I would be embarrassed if not. I’ve always been so afraid of time and not getting enough. I’ve been so fixated on fixed time, give your all now before before everything leaves you.
I created this idea of people and life on my mind. I would program it into my brain that I clung to it stubbornly. I would push out anything that didn’t feel right or would ruin my ideal perfect.. No remorse, no feeling only questions.
Here I am, 20 years old. Living in a house my dad pays for. Taking the semester off at school, with no money saved from these jobs I’m working. Heartbroken, isolated from the world, smoking in my loneliness.
I’ve surrounded myself with everything i thought would complete me, but I sit here empty and unsatisfied.
I’ve kept things in my life for strength and visit them when I need to. I’ve partnered to hurt and made a fool out of myself. I’ve become who I never wanted to be because I ruined my own perfect. I’ve isolated everyone to be unhappy and to better myself.
Who am I without my life.
You always create your own happiness, take a look around of what makes you happy and sit in your own happiness. Realize you’re enough, this life is enough. Be who you want to be without worrying others, if they want the best for you they will understand.
Cherish all the little things that fills you with joy, appreciate the moments and never force anything. God has a plan for everyone, trust your journey and heart.
You get to a point in your life, where you are so aware of your self and your surroundings. Who you you are, who you want to be, how you are going to do it.
You become what you surround yourself with. You discover everyones true colors, you steer clear. You realize who is right in your life and value you them. You look at everything as an opportunity or sign.
Allowing good to always cycle with dedication to make the most of it. Every wrong, mistake or heartache is seen as a lesson. An experience gained as well as learned knowledge. Lonely dashes of negativity gets paired up. Another dash causing a double of positivity.
Open your mind.
Your parachute of thoughts
Let them out, all your colors flying
Reah out your wings, you will soar
Scream your loudest, laugh your hardest
No one can interrupt your wide sky
Free falling, from the plane of doubts
No worries only floating
Time slows the resistance
Don’t follow the runways of life
Jump out when fears get too high
You control the impact of the fall
How you stand back up, says it all
Redirected paths, awakening soul
Mind empowered, body stands tall
My eyes trickle as guidance to needed paths
Weak, pouring for direction
spouting transfers me to desired yellow bricks
I scar with knowledge
I request pain
partnered to his hurt
Prickles hold my hand, sculpturing skin deep,
His closeness, my sensitivity weakens at hand
pleasant endings to ghostly to grasp
I push to be shoved
A liberating feeling, moments of lost control
My drop shatters
puzzle directions of the past
Links to the lacking,
his band-aids to my damaged holds
I drown, a cleanse of forgotten gasps
Clear waters fill my words, a still so breathtaking
i exhale what is blown over, inhale for the current
Remembrances splash my memories, vital air
Uncertainty scrapes me, his misery rocks strike
sharks surround me, God’s sea of life
I bleed to realize I’m awake, a gushing passion
An attraction to sharks, questions of survival
doubted living, fins forgiving
I perceive the caps of my following surf
Floating, I rest back with soul’s coast
suffering sands wash up my awaited spirit ashore.
I love my life too much to waste my energy and time “hating” someone or something so purely. Life is too precious to devote such negativity. Living free, worry less, open environments. No one is an enemy, objects passed if not favored. Never an obstacle or battle. Flow from a centered mind. Relaxed movements, guiding you to fate.
Feelings of ease provides insight. Pushing through the body and actions from inside. Stimulating the mind to breeze on by. Never forcing anything that doesn’t feel right, taking chances on what feels natural and most meaningful. Finding yourself by you’re strengths and weaknesses. Changing on what makes you best as yourself and not by the judgements of others.
Agree to disagree, never a closed statement. Bridges never burnt, relations always settled. Learning through memories, struggles and sorrows. Everything is an experience, educated through moments and mistakes. Constructive criticism only, programmed to smile and empathisize in every situation. Always expanding the mind,body and soul. Mindfulness, understanding yourself to understand others. Respect for yourself, humbled achievements, blessed from success, gratefulness of life’s reward.
An appreciation of life. Love only giving and souls consuming. Finding all of the meanings of who we are and why we are here. An appreciation of the beauty of nature, working to to nurture our spirits and surroundings.
Respect within side your self, wholeness to contribute to the working body, a fulfillment which brings you joy and readiness to spread your significance. Respect for the planet, plants, people and possibilities which circulate and fill our lives.
Understanding the significance in the way we speak and interact with others. Understanding we are the creator of our own universe, we are the developer of freedom and terror, we are the provider of peace and wisdom and we contribute to the happiness and sadness of our lives and others.
A mindset of Peace of Heart to learn, entertain, teach and spread.
A peak of two, brought to a point
two seeds, developed to one
my high brings your lows
dependent on the touch
I shadow you at your worst
words trembling, eyes evading
You have my attention again
Tears trembling dry, power to who tries
I built myself up on our direction
an extra push, my sparkle you thrive on
my path you only see,
two lines reliant, inclined to their point
I’m fading, you lessen
No point, the fine line falters,
what merged two together
You ignite for one, spark of the summit
Pleasures with my past powers
force leaving you weak
highest point, without my other half
downfall leaving the peak pointless
Our peaks turn into my control
You embrace my mouth, I shape your movements
reckless decisions, you grow weary
I have you so strong, a connection of nature
my threshold over you, leaves you forgiving
we stand together, clasps intertwined
Your given branch overlaps and reinforces mine
The point of the peak
Your life, coming together
aspects gliding up to reach your tip
bright lights in every direction
Eyes crave your glance
words once swirled, flowed straight
bodies and thoughts thrive on your scene
mouths jealous of your story
When you’re a flat slate
Your life stands equal
living and balancing mediocre to ease straight
thriving and alienating when success pours
Flying to the top
what gets dropped for your point?
having it all, provides one dot of happiness
standing period, a thimble of glory
Power with privilege
untouchable, your cape flies with envy
engaging, knowing paths reach their peak
left turns into right, wrong doings justified
The truth about Peace
“Peace is not a relationship of nations. It is a condition of mind brought about by a serenity of soul. Peace is not merely the absence of war. It is also a state of mind. Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people.”
“Peace without justice is tyranny.”
—William Allen White
“And is not peace, in the last analysis, basically a matter of human rights — the right to live out our lives without fear of devastation – the right to breathe air as nature provided it — the right of future generations to a healthy existence?” (John F. Kennedy, 1963, American University speech)
It was an honour to be considered this week by Professor Stephen Palmer, to…
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